ZOMBIE PANCAKE

I’ve posted this story a couple of other times on a couple of different Blogs.  I just wanted to make sure I posted it here as well.

Like many of you I have to travel for work, and for the most part I enjoy traveling.  But, there was one trip left something to be desired.

It starts with a bad night of sleep.  For what ever reason I woke at 2:30 am, and couldn’t get back to sleep. I had a 6:30 am flight and decided to get up and go to the airport early. I got to the airport at 3:40 am, not realizing that the ticket counters don’t open up until 4:30 am.   So I wait, then after going thru the rigmarole of getting my ticket, and going thru the metal detectors, I find my gate.

While setting at the gate I hear some guy coughing, not just any cough, but one of those “half of my lungs are filled with fluid and I have walking pneumonia” type of cough.  The kind of cough were you think to yourself, “I pity the poor sap that is going to have to sit next to him.”

I board the plane, and I go to my seat. The airline, AirTran, which had all new planes, and the people were nice, and they had very reasonable ticket prices. However, as we all know,  there is an inverse correlation between the price of ticket and how close your knees are to the front of your face, and in this case my knees were close, very close.

So as I walk down the aisle to my seat, I see that I’m sitting next to a large man.  Correction, I am going to be sitting next to a very large man. This guy is so large, he has to push up the arm rest that separates our seats, otherwise he wouldn’t fit. He’s so big he has to push his fat out of the way so I can fasten my seat belt. If that weren’t bad enough, he starts to cough, and not just any cough, you guessed it, but one of those “half of my lungs are filled with fluid and I have walking pneumonia” type of cough.   The kind of cough were you think to yourself, “Oh, I’m the poor sap  that gets to sit next to him.”

“Be kind; everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”  A quote sometimes associated with Plato; more accurately assigned to John Watson.

My Christmas wish for you all is that no matter what trials and troubles that have befallen you in the past year, for one minute in this crazy, hectic day, the noise and the problems that dog you are silent.

On those occasions when my wife has left for the house for an extended period of time, I find that I  express the feelings of separation anxiety by doing house cleaning.

This weekend Tweety Bird and her girlfriends are having a girl’s get together in the Carolinas.  I imagine that they’re spending their time getting caught up on all the news of home, shopping for shoes, complaining about husbands and work, drinking wine and eating chocolate.  Well Tweety is on a diet, so the chocolate is probably out, but that would mean more wine.

So this morning, in a fit of depression brought on by spousal separation, I got out the vacuum cleaner, the mop, and the bucket I keep filled with cleaning supplies and got to work.

If bathrooms can be sexy, this bathroom, when clean, has some definite sex appeal.   It was one of the main reasons we bought this house.  It’s probably close to 130 square feet in size, with a glass enclosed walk in shower, whirlpool tub, heated floors, dual sinks, and lots of counter space.  If I had a complaint, besides the time it takes to clean it, would be that there are too few electrical outlets.

Three hours later I had cleaned it wall to wall, floor to ceiling.  On top of that several of the drawers needed to be organized, but it was done.

I stood in the doorway and examined my handiwork and felt a sense of relief, a kind of calm.

It was such an odd feeling and stood there contemplating it for a minute.  It was strange that cleaning a bathroom, mind you I’ve cleaned this bathroom plenty of times and haven’t experienced this before, would produce this reaction.  Then it dawned on me what was going on.  This time it wasn’t just cleaning the bathroom, this time it felt like a ritual, like an exorcism.

It’s been a rough couple of years for us.  Okay, I know, it’s been a rough couple of years for a lot of people.  And our problems aren’t worse than anyone else’s.  In fact, I’d say that in many ways we had it better than a lot.  We’ve both got jobs, we have our health, and that is a lot to be thankful for.  But lately, especially in the past couple of months, we’ve had to swallow too much of the same crap and it’s just getting old.

I think the cleaning of the bathroom became a metaphor for me.  Even if it was just a modicum, it was a way for me to exert control over the universe.